A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
