Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
