Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thus making me awesome and them whores
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
