I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
