I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize