she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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