Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line