I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Randomize