YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is