Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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