I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i came on her dog
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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