We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
