I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
