Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
