Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize