At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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