ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
