That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
