The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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