I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
