your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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