laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
