Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.