woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night