Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.