your room smells of hookers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle