A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties