come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
