Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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