You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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