Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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