i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
