walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
