I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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