If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
