how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
