I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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