plz talk dirty to me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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