That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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