You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize