Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
