i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
