I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
