how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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