her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
