She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
