So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
