Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
