Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
