how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
