He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
