then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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