Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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