Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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