Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
