In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
