Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
