Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
