bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
