I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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