Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
