Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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