Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize