I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
